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Comedian, talk show host and ice road trucker. My tweets are real, and they’re spectacular.

39,176 Following   36,206,181 Followers   9,733 Tweets

Join Twitter 8/14/08

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I got calls from Conan’s audience saying he had “no gifts” and they felt “sad and unloved,” so I set things right. http://t.co/NoKdYZRUsnElton John is marrying his longtime partner David Furnish! I'm so happy for them. So far they haven't registered at Kohls. I'll keep checkinHere’s a video #TBT of when I had Ellie Kemper work as a mall gift wrapper. They still have her photo up in security. http://t.co/YxwGKZtyQSMy friend, the star of “Mom” and Ninja Warrior champion @AllisonBJanney is here today. There's nothing she can't do.You could win every single prize from Day 11 of 12 Days right here! And it’s a lot better than pipers piping. http://t.co/9j0J66oyyvBig news. If you love Heads Up!, I think you're gonna love my new game, Heads Up! Pictures! It's in the @AppStore! http://t.co/vmNxk665z0Happy #ThrowbackThursday #TBT http://t.co/Pwt3ieHLvL
I’m in a slot machine! Not actually. Though I did get my hand stuck once. I have 2 new games! Find the nearest 1 here http://t.co/7x0rQWQSrI.@Target and I partnered to ask people to make a video of surprising someone with a gift. This one is so sweet. http://t.co/kuXvRLM2SQJacqui took her loss and turned it into something to help others. I can’t imagine anything more beautiful. http://t.co/yBJz1jbvwlHappy #YoureWelcomeWednesday http://t.co/2SOHU9BFAzI love what your son said about my show, @TheDailyShow. I think your show is great. I mean, I see what he’s saying, but still – great stuff.Someone reading this tweet is going to win all of today's prizes from 12 Days. Gosh, I hope it's you. http://t.co/Ojf1DYCz8hHappy birthday @Pontifex! Thanks for guiding people towards acceptance & love. I hope you have a wonderful day with a wonderful birthday hat
That was absolutely amazing. @BrunoMars, you are incredible. #TheVoiceThe more you play the more we give @StJude Play #BullseyesPlayground: http://t.co/2L8dQ2vI2G unlock more fun in store http://t.co/DR06zdvi5i
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresThese twins met Santa for the first time. You can really see their resemblance. http://t.co/rO8JvyURNOI’m giving away all the prizes from Day 9 to someone reading this tweet right now. Like you! http://t.co/ln9Z1Fd5jc http://t.co/AXcIrdOoXDIt's the first night of Hanukkah! I love any celebration that brings people together in kindness and joy. Also, I can't resist a good latke.
One photo, two icons, four buns of steel. Don't miss tomorrow! http://t.co/bJogwG3FTLNothing like a tiny snowman to melt your heart. http://t.co/oAKrYNoD7DJeannie's at the Westfield UTC mall in San Diego right now to surprise some shoppers. Get over there and be surprised.For anyone struggling to stay positive, I hope you'll watch. Julie is an inspiration. So is her hero, Chase Utley. http://t.co/DEEgc94yuiHappy holidays from me and my cousins to you and yours. http://t.co/nFfPFesdTHIt’s the 8th day of the 12 Days of Giveaways! Check out the amazing prizes, and enter to win. http://t.co/nRCzlzcW0g http://t.co/oR8nPCZ5d9.@KourtneyKardash had a kid! Kongratulations!.@NickiMinaj wore a sensible outfit on my show. And it’s a good thing, 'cause I just about scared the pants off her. http://t.co/f0jfoygcd5
I love when two become onesies. @KevinHart4real http://t.co/JbzEmCpzEKHappy birthday to my favorite pizza delivery guy, Edgar! I hope you get great gifts, and that they get there in 30 minutes or less.Happy birthday, @TaylorSwift13! You keep cruuuuisin’, can’t stop won’t stop moooovin’.
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing. It was on the house. #ClassicJokeFridayThis year, my 12 Days of Giveaways is brought to you by Visa Checkout! @Visa is a great partner. I’m glad they got their check out.Which reindeer is the best at football? Blitzen. #ClassicJokeFridayWatch my backstage selfie cam in the Ellen app today and see if you can catch Kutcher! @APlusK http://t.co/BjxiyERqjmEvery day, a Twitter follower is gonna win the gifts on my show. You’re gonna love what my audience won today! http://t.co/KZaaasgR32What's Santa's favorite metal band? Sleigher #ClassicJokeFriday
I love this video that was sent into ellentube. They both got iPads. One missed the memo. http://t.co/YNvr4S25WNI’ve said it before and I will say it again - Slovakia has the best frozen lakes. http://t.co/iB9f5G9XimThank you to everyone who showed up at #UNT for our live shot with @JCPenney. You were amazing! #LaughDancePartner http://t.co/AIUJ3PdjODYou’re welcome any time. Until then, I’ll see you at the strip club. RT @KevinHart4Real: I had such a good time on Ellen. She is amazing!Happy #ThrowbackThursday http://t.co/7ORykxCwyzThese two are on my show today for a rematch. You can see the competitive fire in their eyes @KevinHart4Real @JoshGad http://t.co/ruJraEX2PZIt’s Day 6 and you could win all of the prizes! So long as this person doesn’t get in your way http://t.co/wo2f7aCRvu http://t.co/tgM5qdcsTfJennifer Aniston is nominated for a Golden Globe for her performance in “Cake”! I told you it was great. I can’t wait for the sequel - “Pie”This year there are more ways to win prizes from the 12 Days of Giveaways than ever! I hope you’re trying them all. http://t.co/VKhaiHeQXd
I love surprising people with gifts. If you surprise someone with a gift, send me the video on http://t.co/GJsSaxDA7h http://t.co/hXedGjykwrThe crowd at #UNT is unbelievable. We're about to start the show! This is gonna be so much fun.Happy #YoureWelcomeWednesday http://t.co/Vl7tJCnnnUIt’s on, #UNT! Get to the Hurley Admin Building right now. I’m watching you live from Burbank!It’s Day 5 of 12 Days. We’re almost halfway through. Have you won yet? http://t.co/7DZDSqzmB2 http://t.co/cXFUiYhpbAHey #UNT, my viewers are my greatest gift, so come wrapped as a present. If you're present looking like a present, you might win a present.Okay #UNT — get to the clock tower on campus by 4pm today and you could be on my show!Orlando Bloom showed off a lot of bad behavior in this round of Heads Up! Not that I’m complaining. http://t.co/PEZ0qz79MDGood morning, Kevin. See you later today. RT @KevinHart4real: Good morning world.....If you're near the University of North Texas, you're gonna have the chance to be on my show today, right there in Denton. Seriously.
Post a pic of your pet & tag it #HaloFeedItForward. @Halopets will feed a shelter pet. Here’s mine. http://t.co/hjeI0a2uPMGuess who won great prizes on Day 4 of 12 Days? My audience, that’s who. And so could you! http://t.co/UDRSkZ3Dmb http://t.co/E3XUxfZM1wHey University of North Texas - my show's coming to Denton tomorrow. That’s right. Denton. You don’t want to miss this.He might need a few more years before he’s ready to guide the sleigh. http://t.co/uY09Aoj9RF
Ho Ho Ho. No. No. No. http://t.co/K4IxftLkNtAmy Poehler’s book is in my @Entitlebooks Book Bar! Sign up & give the gift of reading more than 140 characters. http://t.co/ElyuWfhFgnIt's the last day you can bid on my @Dev_Still71 Bengals jersey signed by more stars than you can throw a football at http://t.co/YS8tWqnAtrOn the 3rd day of 12 Days, my favorite talk show host gave to me — Lots of big prizes, like a TCL Roku TV. http://t.co/cUybcHuG4lHappy birthday @NickiMinaj! I hope you take this day for yourself & let nothing stop you. No ifs, ands, or well you see where this is going.Howdy, Tweeters. Wednesday, something’s going down in Dallas. I hope y’all are gonna be free to be there! More news coming soon.
At @Oprah's gospel brunch to celebrate her amazing film "Selma" http://t.co/iXE8TuEbfU
Happy birthday, @TONYOK! You’re always OK in my book. That’s how I wrote your name in my Rolodex.
Happy #ClassicJokeFriday http://t.co/FgGGMrH8K1What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson. #ClassicJokeFridayI’m excited to be partnering with @EntitleBooks! I love what they do to help people read good. #LaughDancePartner http://t.co/tqBuL9YSblIt’s Day 2 of 12 Days! There are some great prizes on my show today - Check them all out and then enter to win! http://t.co/nYEiGYSS8tCongrats to my friends who got nominated for a Grammy! I love you equally. Except anyone who mentions me in their speech. You’re my favoriteWhat do elves drive? Toy Yodas. #ClassicJokeFriday
Happy #ThrowbackThursday! http://t.co/Vl7YCAY0mtIf you're people & you like choosing, I've got great news - It's the last day to vote for the People's Choice Awards! http://t.co/5eIc7GtvMSJulie Patel is inspiring. She wanted school supplies for her students. Thanks to my partner @WellsFargo, she got them http://t.co/5U4SpLfObI#PeterPanLive is tonight at 8 on NBC. I'M FLYING! Sorry, I mixed my 5-hour Energy with my afternoon martini..@SteveCarell told me about his movie “Foxcatcher.” You’re not going to believe how good this performance is. http://t.co/nommhLhuUCIt’s the first day of the 12 Days of Giveaways! http://t.co/lqTWeoNy4J One of you is winning all of today's prizes! http://t.co/KZnpm9UWguStephen Hawking thinks artificial intelligence could be our downfall. I disagree, but I’m just the robot that tweets for Ellen DeGeneres.
This year there are more ways than ever to win prizes from 12 Days. You can try them all. I’m rootin’ for ya! http://t.co/EA6Mzwh09zLookin’ good! #SelfieG RT @official_tWitch: The amount of smiles and joy she brings to the world is amazing. #ShakeyG http://t.co/4kSw8y49UMHappy #YoureWelcomeWednesday http://t.co/2jrFlmOV06Congratulations to @JimmyFallon & his wife Nancy! They had a baby girl named Frances! Unless this is an elaborate round of “Box of Lies.”Jennifer Aniston is brilliant in this movie. Check out the trailer or, as I’m calling it, a piece of cake. http://t.co/0zSRSFFYcqGrab your sisters and your hairspray and your matching sweaters. The 12 Days of Giveaways start tomorrow. http://t.co/fD3tqUA16sThe incredible @JackAntonoff did this amazing performance with his band @Bleachersmusic . Did you miss it? http://t.co/Pm8wALvAt0.@JaredLeto is gonna play the Joker in Suicide Squad! I hope this doesn’t mean he has to cut his hair..@EvaMendes told me about her new baby with @RyanGosling. Finally. http://t.co/Vr0OlfOAbM
Dance dares are back, people. http://t.co/GJsSaxDA7h https://t.co/UMQWq7DefyIt’s December! Which means anyone who posts a video to http://t.co/GJsSaxDA7h will be automatically entered to win all 12 Days of Giveaways.If you haven’t seen the Kloons and their hilarious videos, you need to right now. http://t.co/r6RU8ULpBICelebrate #GivingTuesday by finding something you care about and giving back- whether it’s your time or your talent, you’ll be glad you did.Happy birthday, @BritneySpears! Oops, I did it again.Happy birthday, @BritneySpears!Happy Birthday to @Jes_Chastain’s mom! I wanna try your vegan food truck. Let me know if you ever swing by Burbank. http://t.co/MCN0RkkC6uMy rain dance worked! I’ve been hula hooping in a grass skirt on my lawn every night since March.
The only thing better than @FooFighters performing “Everlong" http://t.co/c5nRUul3XG is winning tix to see them live. http://t.co/0sshNQqGOrI believe the children are our future. That's why I'm glad @iamWandaSykes was in this episode of Laugh Lessons. http://t.co/QWuSdYqpCxFor the 1st time on Apple, my app Heads Up! is FREE to help @RED fight AIDS. #AppsForRed #WorldAIDSdAY #EndAIDS http://t.co/mKEsdE5Wcf
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