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Just ruined ANOTHER Grateful Dead T-shirt with Taco Bell glop

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Joined Twitter 3/25/08

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@kevinseccia I think about the Santa Fe Gordita at least biweekly.@DrGMLaTulippe If they're keeping all the layers on, it's a pass.@DrGMLaTulippe Do they remove? Final layer should be condom for ultimate expression of trust.is "Dating Naked" coming back, or will I have to reboot it myself?@DrGMLaTulippe I would have disagreed with you 10 years ago, but now I'm shaking my rake in assent.@quinnemmett Oh my God.@tobyherman27 <3I mean, I'm going to be 37 this year so no one has to listen to me. It's okay.@tobyherman27 See example from the schoolmarm!Not sure about the ironic bad punctuation the smart kids are using on Twitter. I know you're satirizing the dumbs, but it makes me nervous.@mrskimyadawson @carlywaddell @PaulBaribeau Best idea of 2015 so far!
@tobyherman27 It's really impressive. it's like he can just live.@DrewAtHitFix Ha ha! I'm getting pics, but he's sparing the rest of the Internet.My husband has been away on an incredibly cool trip for 3 days, and hasn't posted a single braggy photo or selfie. #HERO
@mysterybrowndir (also, I rarely pass 100.)@mysterybrowndir I'm seriously quivering at the mention… thank you! Big fan!@tomcunningham OMG! I wish.
@DrGMLaTulippe No, but I approve!Take my money, "Hot Pursuit"!
.@carr2n was such a cool and fascinating person. I was sucked in the instant I met him. Huge loss for the NYT & us.This movie-themed McDonalds in Culver City makes me feel like a legend of the silver screen!!!
@newsie78 or "who's that haggard mom in the mirror?"35 is when you start to look like the mugshot from your 20s.@billyeichner @truTV ORLANDOOOO@eliroth I loved how the new family coincidentally had hotter daughters!@coucouaaron thumbs up for Buddy Lembeck reference.Putting Charles in charge of your children's days, nights, wrongs AND rights just smacks of lazy parenting.
I would totally be the type of recording artist who references their first single in their second single.@kellyoxford It's like, lyrically perfect. I was driving back from Taco Bell like WHAT@malibuprince07 Thank you Matt!@kellyoxford It's seriously eerie, I'm not even being cute here.Go listen to "Malibu" by Hole and tell me it doesn't sound EXACTLY like a distressed Kyle Richards singing to Kim.
@vulture @FifthHarmony @kn8 @lindseyweber Please, like I don't know who Fifth Harmony is!
@lilyburana YES, ME TOO.There actually is nothing she can't do. RICKI: http://t.co/m3sag6z6Sg
@DrGMLaTulippe and yes, I want to try it!@DrGMLaTulippe They all got frozen at their recent retreat and people thought it was amazing.@IamDraven Thank you! xo@DrGMLaTulippe I heard a rumor they are getting one at WME, no joke.
What are your Valentine's plans? Bruno Mars and I are having dinner at Outback followed by a violent, gnawing 69.
Just typed "burt, loni" into the search field of the People magazine archive.'85 Bears forever.Having a hard time explaining the concept of "Katy Perry Halftime Show" to my 2 year-old who wants to go to the park RIGHT NOW.I enjoy reading profiles of teen pop stars who eat ravenously throughout the interview.
@JohnMayer BOBBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eddie Redmayne 4 Ghostbusters' secretary.@staceyoristano LOL, I wish!
@BoobsRadley @LouisPeitzman Or my personal message-board favorite, "Mr. (MyStupidScreenname)"
@mikeyireland Thank you!@DrDoomDonnelly thank you!@bradmelmore Holy shit, he did! That is amazing.I remember praying for puberty to hit. Then I heard Prince's "Cream" for the first time and my bra exploded off my body like She-Hulk.After a painful six-month battle with Meghan Trainor, I have succumbed.
@Chris_Storer @kellyoxford When Kyle took her into the bathroom… I mean, I hate Kyle but that shit is rough.@kellyoxford Kim :(
@MysteryExec A guy brought me a pair of panties.
@TaraAriano please let it be me@leahpeah and best-looking! So happy for you!@kellyoxford Marcello's class actually made paper crowns that say "MLK" which made it extra confusing.@LouisPeitzman I had the same reaction. We are living in a decent spoof movie.
@TracieMorrissey At first just Kim did it, but the rest started aping her per the manual. I think she's had too much Europe lately.@TracieMorrissey This has been driving me crazy ever since the wedding episode.
@BittrScrptReadr WOW, just Googled it! That is quite a sweater, too.@SamLloyd2437 I will respect her forever for that. It was beautiful and perfect.The '90s ruined awards show fashion. Suddenly people wanted to look chic and minimalist, whereas the '80s were like MACKIE!Many of you are too young to remember this, but ppl used to show up to awards shows in CRAZY outfits, not this ivory sateen column bullshit
@tobyherman27 can we also find a way to incorporate FRIEDRICH'S TEETH into conversations?@jeffytee We showed them, lol@jeffytee No MWC, no Night Court, AND I wasn't allowed to have Garbage Pail Kids! #abuseFoie gras is for assholes. http://t.co/jQbi4QHWsg
Retweeted by Diablo Cody
My two year-old has begun shouting "The end!" in a sing-song voice when he wants you to stop talking to him. Going to try this myself.
@tvoti OK I misplaced an apostrophe@tvoti People are willing to recognize actress's performances bc it's part of glamorous Oscar-night narrative-- but not women's stories.
11 Movies to Watch Out for in 2015 http://t.co/JSbow1e4Xj http://t.co/iHTOKXgz9T
Retweeted by Diablo Cody@tobyherman27 I knew you would be my 1st fave. <3If you look awesome at 60, we can't party together.@LucindaLunacy I would LOVE to see what you would concoct for me in that wicked kitchen of yours!When people are concocting new desserts, they should just call me on Day 1 of my period and I'll counsel them.The new Girl Scout cookies are a bummer, tbh. "Rah Rah Raisins?" Give me a valid reason to cheat on Caramel Delites.
@tobyherman27 One Nell was a tay in the wind; the other accidentally vacuumed the water out of Joey's fish tank.@EricIGN @tobyherman27 WHAT HAPPENED TO MY PIECE OF THE CA-AKE?!@tobyherman27 I still don't understand why they called the show "Gimme a Break!" So many good "Nell" puns were available.
@OzLady41563 @DrGMLaTulippe I don't care about the pie-baking stuff-- I think it's nice, actually. But she doesn't believe in equal RIGHTS?@DrGMLaTulippe (the celeb is contributing to injustice I mean, not you!)@DrGMLaTulippe No, it's like a white celeb announcing "I'm racist, but hey, it works for ME!" Hell no. You're contributing to injustice.
@tobyherman27 Grams@LouisPeitzman @julieklausner EEEEEEEUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!@MysteryBritExec I like it. No shame!@tobyherman27 you are my star, Toby.@jennyslate Anthro also wants me to believe that my ass isn't fat if it's beneath a cleverly angled tunic.I found the BEST pic to bring 2 my hairstylist, but it's porn. Cropping won't fix & I can't find another pic of this particular rubber slave@minhalbaig Oh man, that is so corny and true!Remember when "rock star" meant Mick Jagger and not something a Mormon mom calls her toddler for using the potty?@louisvirtel The broken jaw tweet from 2013 is still your finest Efron moment. It was a little edgy for your brand, but worth the risk, IMO.@BoobsRadley Ha ha, someone in Europe used my Visa to send a ton of people roses. Actual catch!@BittrScrptReadr Gummi Beary Juice = boob sweat.Sometimes I pick up my boobs just to see if there's a gummi bear under there or something.@WhitneyCummings Yesterday Dan goes, "What is that new thing people are saying that's like 'on point'?" I was like, you don't need to know.@clmazin I live with the sickness and get waves of wellness.
@LoreneScafaria If you're serious about taking up talking about it, I will totally take up talking about tennis with you! #DoublesTalking
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